Disregard my Previous Messages
by nolongeractivedfgdfgd
Summary: Preseries: Set directly after Sam goes to Stanford. Dean discovers six messages on his phone, and listens to them. What he doesn't know, is that Sam has a lot to say, but the words just won't come out. Very angsty on both ends of the Winchester scale.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: A short little one shot I've had in my head for a while. Tell me how you like it. I don't own Supernatural. Dur.**

Dean sighed with content as he lowered himself onto the stiff mattress of his and his father's hotel room.

"Shower?" John grunted as he made his way through the door.

"You can go first," Dean replied, too tired to even think about moving at the moment. John nodded his head and made his way to the bathroom.

Dean's eyes fell on his cell phone he'd disregarded for the last five days. He'd been on a hunt with his dad and he didn't want any distractions. Truth was, the hunt _was_ his distraction, but from something totally different. He needed to keep his mind off of what had happened only five days ago. His little brother, the only reason he'd not gone into a complete shell after his mother had passed, his _Sammy_ was gone. Off to California, never to return again, if their father had anything to say about it.

But Dean knew. He knew that John was hurting just the same way that Dean was. And he knew that if John could do it over, the words that had been exchanged would have been different. But what's done was done, and now the family was living with the consequences of that night.

Picking up the forgotten phone, Dean opened it to see that he had six new voice messages. Dean inwardly pouted. That meant jobs, and he was exhausted. Dean put the phone to his ear and soon the robotic voice of the phone gave him instructions on how to listen to his first voice message. Dean pressed the buttons he needed to, and waited.

_"Tuesday, 3:24 PM," _the voice said in the annoying monotone Dean hated so much.

There was a slight hesitation on the other end, and then, "Hey... Dean, I.. Well, I really just wanted to..." there was a sigh, then, "screw it."

Dean's brow furrowed in confusion and he clicked over to the next message. Hearing Sam's voice on the other line had renewed the sense of sorrow and loss that he'd felt the night his brother had walked out. He wasn't sure he really wanted to listen, for every word that came out of his brother's mouth was like another arrow piercing him. The pain got overwhelming sometimes.

_"Tuesday, 3:49 PM."_

"Dean you have to know I didn't leave because of you... or da-," another hesitation, "I thought he would be prou... Nevermind it's stupid."

Shaking his head, and sighing sadly, Dean proceeded to the next message. Sam didn't know. Sam didn't know that John _had_ been proud of Sam. He'd been so damned proud that he couldn't even express it. Dean saw it, behind the mask of anger. John wore a lot of masks, behind the mask of anger was pride for his son, but behind that one, there was fear. And that's where the argument had stemmed from. John feared for his youngest, who, even though was smarter than... most everybody John could think of, was also naive, and trusting.

_"Wednesady, 5:16 PM."_

"My roommate's dad and sister came to visit today... I don't know why, it gave me this idea that maybe... If you were ever near... I mean it wouldn't be so bad if you just came for a little... Dad would never go for it, would he?" Dean could hear the sadness emitting from Sam's voice, and a scoff at the other end, "And you're probably still pissed at me, too, right? I guess I deserve it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't deal with..." Sam seemed to be searching for words now, "I need..." Then the message ended, another abrupt click.

"Sammy..." Dean sighed, as he clicked over to the next message, knowing who's voice would greet him on the other end this time.

_"Wednesday, 11:43 PM."_

"You ever had t'quila 'efore? Psh, course you have. 'Is amazing. Makes you feel all tiiiingly," Sam giggled and Dean cringed, "Anywho, jus' wanted to call and tell you how much fun this whole colleshe thing is onshe you get to the bar part. I don't even 'member why I'm here anymore, but 'is a whole lot better than being alone... I-" then Sam seemingly got distracted, "Hey preeiiy lady!" Sam giggled again and another click signaled that the call had ended.

Dean actually grinned at this message, although the meaning behind it still stung, but saved it to his phone anyway. He clicked to the next message and mentally prepared himself. Sam had two stages of drunk, the first was silly and the next was...

_"Wednesday, 1:28 AM."_

"Deeeeean," Dean heard his brother's distraught voice on the other end. It was quieter this time which meant that Sam had probably been escorted back to his dorm. The second stage was that Sam turned into a big pile of smush. His emotions took over and he couldn't do anything to keep himself from breaking down. He'd seen it only twice, but it had devistating effects both times. But both times, Dean had been there to pick up the pieces. Now he wasn't.

"I'm so sorry, Dean. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry," he heard a sniffle, and imagined the tear that had probably fallen from Sam's eyes, "I wish you wouldn't hate me anymore. I can't take it. I wish dad loved me. Why aren't I good enough, Dean? Why? If I could come back home, I would but I can't because dad hates me and he told me to stay gone, but I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. I don't... have a family." Dean heard a sharp intake of breath, and he had to strain to hear, but he heard, "I miss you. I miss dad..."

Then Dean heard a female voice enter the conversation, "Sam? What are you doing? Everybody's wondering where you- Oh Sam..." Then the message ended once more.

Dean had to struggle to keep his emotions at bay, in case his father decided to emerge from the shower.

Clicking over to the next, and final message, Dean hesitated for only a second.

_"Thursday, 1:02 PM."_

A voice being cleared could be heard, and an awkward silence followed, "Erm... Would you mind disregarding those previous messages?" a sheepish, laugh, then, "Uh, kay thanks, bye Dean."

_"You have no new messages..."_

Dean let himself wallow for a few minutes, his face showing all the pain he felt while he was alone with his thoughts.

"Dean? You okay, dude?" John asked as he emerged from the shower, towel drying his shaggy hair, carelessly.

Masking himself, just like his dad, Dean put on a fake smirk, "Always," he replied, while the messages replayed themselves over and over again in Dean's head, and Sam's words echoed like an unwanted presence to haunt him.

_**Review please. Thanks for reading.**_

**_Love,_**

**_SLX_**


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay so I know this is REALLY late but I wanted to get at least one more chapter to this (now) twoshot in. So I hope you like it._

Studying. That's what Sam needed to do, that's what he had been doing for the last forty eight hours, that's what he would be doing for the next twenty four hours. He had forbid himself of seeing any of his friends, his new crush Jessica who had helped him through a particularly bad night of drinking, and he had even turned his phone off so his friends couldn't disturb him. He was man on a mission. His mission? Pass this damned class that just about _everybody_ was failing. Was it impossible? No. Was it _near _impossible? Yes. Was he going to do it? Yes!

But studying for two days straight with no reprieve save for food (and a very little of it) and sleep (again, very little of it) was exhausting. Sam needed a break. He reached for his phone that had been off for two days. Maybe somebody would be up for lunch that like him didn't have an afternoon class on wednesdays.

The last time he'd used his phone was a little over a week ago. He'd called Dean. A lot. He'd left a lot of stupid, idiotic, _drunken_ messages that he prayed would just go away. He had been lonely and he had needed somebody, namely his brother. But, not much to his surprise, Dean had never called back. Why would he? Dean was angry at him and so was John. Maybe he deserved it for walking out on his family like he did... No, walking out on John like he did. He could never walk out on Dean. He had prayed when he received the acceptance letter that at least Dean would have been proud of him, and he had prayed that maybe John could just accept it. Neither had happened. John hated him, he had said so himself. And Dean, Dean just looked hurt. And Sam didn't like that he had put the hurt there.

Shaking himself out of his melancholy thoughts, he waited for the contraption to turn on and when it did, there was a message alert waiting for him. He sighed, knowing that it had been coming. His friends tended not to care when he told them that he wanted an almost monk-like existance for the next couple of days.

_"You have six new voice messages,"_ came a metallic voice from the other end. Jeez, these people just did not know when to quit. Sam rolled his eyes, clicking over to the first message.

_"Saturday, 2:53 PM."_

"Hey Sam... It's Dean. You called a while back and me and dad just go so busy with this hunt down in... Well I guess you don't really care do you?" Dean gave a bitter laugh on the other end and Sam had to fight to keep the guilt from creeping back into him again, "I guess I'll see you around... some time... maybe." And the call ended just like that. It had been so cold, so... un-Dean. Sam didn't like it. At all.

Clicking over to the next message, Sam waited knowing that Dean wouldn't call again.

_"Saturday 3:05 PM."_

"Sam, how could you just leave like that how could you walk out on me-" Sam's eyes widened in surprise at the voice on the other end of the line. It was his brother's. It was Dean and Dean was mad but he had called. Twice! "You know dad didn't mean to-... Nevermind. Bye." The phone clicked off and Sam had to push past the tears that had formed in his eyes upon hearing that voice again.

That's what Dean thought? That Sam had walked out on _him?!_ No! "God Dean..." Sam said softly to himself, "Not you. Never you."

With a deep sigh, he clicked over to the next message. He didn't know this time. It could be Dean... Part of him was hoping it was Dean because he couldn't leave their relationship on a message like that.

_"Saturday 11:57 PM."_

"Why the hell do _I _feel guilty over _you _leaving, Sam? Can you answer me that?" Sam couldn't. "It wasn't like I was the one who walked out on the family. You did. So why the hell do I feel guilty over your selfish little obsession of normalcy? Can you answer me that? No, because you wont answer your damned phone. You probably looked at the caller ID to see who it was and just didn't answer right? Yeah, okay, you know what, I can't do this anymore. It's too much..."

Sam felt the tears from before pricking in his eyes, because Dean had it all wrong. Sam missed him, missed them both, actually, like crazy and he wanted to talk to them and wanted to see them. And if he would have seen that Dean called, he would have picked up.

With regret, Sam clicked over to the next message.

_"Sunday 2:32 AM."_

"Sam, you are defi... yeah, not the only one in the family who likes t'quila," Dean slurred into the phone, having a little difficulty with the long(er) words, "Ummm... I don't even 'member why I called 'nemore. Well, yeah I do, I miss you. Lots. I have no fun. Nooo fun."

Dean laughed, obviously at something another person in the bar said. The voices on the other end got a little louder and Sam could hear the conversation.

"Sammy? Hot?" he heard Dean's confused voice, "I dunno..."

"Well why would you have the girl's number in there if she isn't hot?" the other voice asked, and Sam realized it was a guy, probably just as drunk as Dean.

Dean's burst of laughter filled the phone and he stumbled over his words, "Du-de..." he breathed out, "He _acts _like a girl, but he aint one... Leas' not tha' I know of."

"Doesn't mean nothin-" The next words were hazy and Sam couldn't quite make them out until he heard Dean's way over-done, "EWWW," that he hadn't heard Dean use since he was about twelve. He heard Dean's voice one last time, "Brothers. Both men. Ewwwwwww."

And that was how the call ended. Sam let himself laugh at the message before realizing that Dean, too, had to drink away his sorrows just like Sam had been learning to do.

Clicking over to the next message, Sam prepared himself mentally for what was to come.

_"Sunday, 11:06 PM."_

Dean's gruff voice filled the other end, "Alright, I think we're even on the drunk calls. Sorry about that," Dean said with little to no emotion in his voice, "You know, what I said at the bar though, that was... Okay, you know what, I've got a killer hangover and I can't do this right now. Screw trying."

Sam felt the lump in his throat and swallowed it down. He had one message left to go.

_"Sunday 1:34 PM."_

"Ah, Sammy, I'm sorry," came Dean's voice on the other end of the phone, "That stuff I said before was... stupid. I was angry, you know how being with dad alone for too long can get." Dean chuckled on the other end, knowing all too well Sam and John's history of violent tendencies toward eachother.

"Listen, dad didn't want me to tell you this but... We're in Palo Alto for a hunt. We'll be here through Tuesday, then we gotta hit the road and we're staying at the Rose Inn... If you wanted to drop by it wouldn't be so bad." Dean sighed and his voice turned a little softer, "I miss you little brother, alright?" The message ended after a slight hesitation.

Excitement filled Sam's chest as he realized that this was it. He could see his big brother again and he was only a couple minutes away. Sam got up, getting ready to leave for the Rose Inn when suddenly it hit him like a ton of bricks. Wednesday. It was wednesday. Sam had missed them by a day. A mere twenty four hours, Sam missed them.

"No, no, no," Sam sank back down onto the bed in defeat. He put his head in his hands, willing himself to stay calm and to not lose it again. The messages buzzed around in his head, the last one, he missed them, wouldn't see them.

_Oh God, Dean, I miss you too... _And that's when he lost it. His hands covered his eyes but the shaking of his body signified that Sam Winchester's, strong, independent, facade barrier had just been broken. Along with the rest of him.

_Okay so I'm sorry if this sucked but it was NAGGING at me to write one from Dean. So, yeah, I hope you liked it and please review!!_

_Love,  
SLX_


End file.
